One year on and still trapped in a Nightmare come True - Early November 2004 - Mid January 2005

If only a day would go by without fear and insecurity wondering exactly when you will come back from the living hell that has forcefully sucked you in not knowing when you'll ever get to taste freedom again if ever. A sense of constant nagging for inspiration, peace, sprituallity and food for the soul. My soul has been bruised so badly that it has basically been shattered,and ruined to the point where it could be destroyed. I feel something crying out for help to get my soul rebuilt knowing that I'd need patience to get it rebuilt.
I have that feeling of darkness and complete emptiness,
a feeling I just can't get rid of.
Everything has created a sense of nothing in me,
don't know how
I don't know why
I gaze up at the sky,
and I think it might be just another blue day.
Blue Days
Blue days got me unexpectedly
feeling down with no explanation as to why I feel this way.
Blue days,
why do I feel so worthless
Blue Days,
What exactly is keeping me here
the patterns in the cycle of life bringing back unfortunate events of the past never to anticipate reoccurences.
I think I've lost my mind,
but then again
maybe I'm not as insane as I think I am
maybe I am being manipulated by someone who is pretending to be something they're not.
Why does life have to be like so maybe I've been burdened with bad luck well the bad luck wasn't coming from me so I guess I really don't have much control over it. I could try to break the burden of bad luck and live free from it. But then I may not have much support from the family, oh well like I get any support whatsoever from them anyway. It won't do me any harm, I'm just a distant shadow that is forgotten that everyone is to shift the blame to when they can't hold it themselves.
I refuse to be abused by any selfish, worthless barstard ever again no matter what or how I'm related to them. I learn't how to avoid them from far away. I can decide by myself on every little detail about my life, I am grateful that I'm able to do so and not give a shit about all the opinions other people might have about me.
I'm not gonna play no game you force upon me, just because it makes you happy, you mean absolutely nothing to me.