A sense of being closer to a dead end

Lately I have felt as though I'm about to be thrown in a prison cell through no fault of my own. It's the situation I'm getting forced into as I can't afford to support myself yet. I'd love to be able to if I get the chance I have no problem bustin my ass over long hours everyday to get where I want to be. It's just getting that opportunity that's the hardest part. I know I haven't written a blog entry in awhile because I'm so busy! I've still gotta do the Christmas Shopping sometime very soon! I have been looking over a journal that I have next to my bed that I write in sometimes when I'm struggling to cope with my emotions and can't get to sleep. I've noticed that most of it has been sad and miserable like but mostly sad. I used to be on antidepressants for a different problem that wasn't mental. Although a doctor asked me a few years ago if I was depressed but I guess I was too shy and anxious to admit it. I'm not taking them anymore but I feel I may need them again but don't really want to go to the doctor and ask for antidepressants and admit that I have depression. Because it would make me look bad. I haven't seen my counsellor in 6 months because they started going on quite a few holidays and well I never really got to see them frequently enough. Which made me feel like I had to deal with my own problems on my own. Which some I'm experiencing at the moment I'm probably not so sure how to deal with.